Anatomy of a Breakup
by macaronigirl
Summary: Julian's perspective concerning his breakup with Brooke.
1. Chapter 1

A new little story after finally seeing some flirty Julian/Brooke... This takes place the night they broke up before Alexander brings his stuff by the office. This is written from Julian's perspective with the breakup. I don't think this is going to follow what took place too closely... I'm so ready for these two to figure things out and get together all ready!

3:00 AM

The hotel alarm clock's glowing numbers taunted Julian as the minutes slowly crept along. The room had been home for a couple of weeks now, but it didn't mean that he slept any better. Tonight was especially torturous after his encounter, make that encounters, with Brooke. Julian released a long, frustrated sigh and flipped over on his side, unable to stop his mind from racing with the memories of today.

The airport was surprising as hell. He never anticipated to run into Brooke, of all people, while he was picking up Alex, but fuck... wasn't that just his luck? The sight of an equally surprised and stunned Brooke filled him with love, hope, lust, and dread. He had a pretty good idea how things would quickly progress after Brooke realized he was there to pick up Alex and not her, and quite frankly he was tired of her insecure bullshit.

Julian was pissed. The image of the man Brooke was traveling with was burned into his brain. He could still hear the Australian accent goading him with his name. Alexander?! What the hell, did Brooke put an ad out for a guy with Alex's name? Is she seriously that insecure that she doesn't trust me around Alex? What more do I have to do? What more do I have to say?

Julian Baker loved Brooke Davis. He had absolutely no doubt about the depths of his love for her, but he really didn't like her right now. She had been jealous and withdrawing from him for weeks before she announced that they needed a break. He may have been the one to technically end the relationship tonight, but she pulled the trigger the night she said she needed "space."

Laughter filled the spacious hotel room. It was a laughter filled with bitter anger and frustration. He thought of the irony of his situation. He abandoned a movie in order to change his entire life to be with Brooke Davis. His father told him he was crazy, and maybe he was to think that she could change and really let him inside her compulsive walls. He moved here to be with her, and now he can't leave because of the new movie and he isn't with her... it made his head pound in confusion. How did we get so fucked up?

4:00 AM

The neon numbers seemed to be glowing brighter as the night dragged on and morning was approaching. He was tempted to unplug the damned thing, but that meant moving. The luminous face of the alarm clock allowed him to make out the majority of the bedroom. He missed the room he shared with Brooke. He missed her feminine decorative touch, her favorite colors, her perfume. He was tempted to pull out the picture of the two of them together, but it was too painful to look back and remember a time when they were so happy and hopeful... and it meant moving.

His mind began to wander, and he imagined what Brooke was doing right now. He felt a wave of guilt and sadness rush through him as he imagined her crying on their bed, surrounded by memories and the few things he left at the house. He wasn't really sure why he left them behind, other than the fact it gave him an excuse to see her one last time. He was planning to go by the house tomorrow after work, but then again, maybe he should give her a few days. He almost wanted the items to torture her, to hurt her like she hurt him. They hopefully served as a little reminder of what they had together, and what she could have with him if she'd stop being so insecure and accept his relationship with Alex.

5:00 AM

Maybe Brooke was already sleeping with Alexander. He didn't really believe that she would do that, but he didn't really think that she would show up in Tree HIll with some dude to make him jealous. Then again, the high school Brooke would totally sleep with Alexander or, hell, anybody in retaliation. As his anger started to rise, he slowly realized how irrational he was being to compare her to her high school self.

Sighing deeply and putting the pillow over his head, Julian continued to try and figure out how the hell they got to this point. All the thinking and wondering, simply made his head hurt. He knew he needed to sleep to be ready for the next day on the set, but he couldn't stop the image of Brooke from flashing on the back of his eyelids. He was almost tempted to get out of bed and go home, home to Brooke. He wanted to demand her to move forward with him, together. But... that would require movement and it would require him to swallow his pride, and he wasn't ready to do that.

Brooke had to trust him and she had to accept his relationship with Alex. If she couldn't deal with it and accept that Alex was now a part of his life, then Brooke was not the woman he was supposed to be with... no matter how badly he wanted it to be the case.

8:00 AM

The subtle warmth from the sun shining through the large windows of Julian's hotel suite roused him from his brief and painful sleep. A small curse passed his lips, as he realized he was late for the set. He couldn't afford to be distracted by Brooke today. He had to be there for Alex and for the movie. He had convinced his dad to put a lot of money behind this script. Julian realized that his dad was motivated more by guilt than passion for Alex's script, but he really didn't mind as long as he got the funding. Julian was actually surprised at how much he was looking forward to working with his father again, and the hope he had at rebuilding his relationship with Paul.

Even if he didn't want to be distracted by her, his thoughts were on Brooke. This movie, working with his father gave him hope for his relationship with her. He was pretty sure she would refuse, but he knew he had to find the right time and ask her to work with him as the costume designer. If she could agree, if she could just see how he and Alex work together, he could make Brooke realize that he loved her and Alex wasn't a threat at all. He asked himself for the hundredth time that night, how did it all get so fucked up??

2:00 PM

It isn't jealousy that Julian feels when he sees the director's hands on Alex's ass all day long. He honestly knew he'd be happy if she found someone who really cared for her, and was supportive of her work and craft, but this dick was not that guy. He was absolutely appalled at some of the things this director had to say about Alex, and Julian felt even more convinced he was doing the righteous thing by standing beside her. Alex needs protection. She needs a person who will support her and guide her towards her full potential, and apparently, he is the only person in her life to do that.

Julian wanted to let his anger at the director stew for a few minutes, but in walks Brooke's boy toy. The Australian ass has a lot of nerve showing up in his production office carrying a box of his stuff. He can barely contain his rage at Alexander's shrug and insincere apology, but he quickly realizes it isn't Alexander who is to blame... it is Brooke.

She is beyond a bitch! She is a heartless, cold woman that he can't believe would stoop to doing something so low. She knew that all he wanted was to be with her, so why was she doing this?? Why can't she see what is happening between them and see that this is her doing?

Grabbing his coat, Julian isn't really sure what he is going to say to her when he sees her. He just knows that he has to see her. He has to see her eyes and see if they are as icy as he thinks. He can't sit here and hide. Julian wants Brooke Davis to know exactly what he thinks about her.

2:30 PM

He tried to calm down on his way to Brooke's store, but he knew it was a pointless attempt. Actually, the traffic along the way only seemed to enrage Julian more and he couldn't wait to see the only person he wanted to take it out on.

Jerking the door open to Clothes Over Bros. Julian felt a slight twinge of lust and love at the sight of Brooke busily arranging clothes on a rack. He had to immediately force those impure thoughts of Brooke out of his head and focus on the humiliation and pain he felt less than an hour ago when her whatever brought his stuff to his place of business.

"I don't appreciate you sending your boy toy to deliver my stuff." He knew his tone sounded harsh and he wasn't sorry. He wanted her to know exactly how pissed her was at her tacky decision to try and hurt him and rub his fucking nose in her new relationship with Alexander. But damn, if she wasn't beautiful with a startled expression as she whipped around to face him. Julian had to will himself to stay strong and angry when he saw the momentary glimpse of vulnerability and pain in Brooke's eyes.

But her eyes only showed her real emotional state for a moment. Just as quickly, Brooke's shield was once again intact and impenetrable. Fortunately for Julian, Brooke continued to shut him out and this allowed him to refocus his anger towards the stunningly beautiful woman in front of him.

"Well, I don't appreciate the dumping..." the raspy sound of her voice and her agitated movements distracted Julian from what she was actually saying. He simultaneously wanted to shout at her, shake some sense into her, and rip that form fitting dress off of her petite body and make love to her in the middle of the store. The sharp stacatto rhythm of her heels on the hardwood floor broke him from the erotic images that raced through his mind.

"Oh come on Brooke! You broke up with me when you left. I just had the nerve to call it what it was, and I didn't need to send in Alex to do it for me." He knew he was hitting her where it would hurt by bringing up Alex. Damn it! She needed to know that this was all her doing, not his. He wanted to be with her, well the her that he fell in love with two years ago. The her before Alex came to town, and the her that was confident and sure of herself. The woman before him was broken and full of doubts, and he honestly didn't know what he had done to make her this way.

"I just needed some space." Her voice seemed to shake with intensity and uncertainty. He was just as torn as Brooke. She was practically hiding behind her counter, trying to put a physical obstacle between them similar to the imaginary one she erected around Alex. He wanted to kiss those lips, feel her arms and legs around his body, but he knew that wasn't option any time in the near or distant future right now. If he stayed in her presence any longer, he would lose whatever resolve he had built up and he would succumb to his love and infatuation for Brooke Davis.

She wanted space? "Yeah, well... you got it." He had to get out of here. He couldn't stay in this store that was saturated with the very essence of Brooke Davis. He had to leave, and if he had the ability he would've left Tree Hill altogether, and never look back... except in his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't know how long this little story is going to last... it may go on for a few more chapters. We'll see... thank you so much for reading and if you feel like leaving a review, I really really appreciate it! I'm still thinking about my other stories, and I should have some more written soon. Thank you again!

4:00 PM

It wasn't until his hand was throbbing that Julian was finally calm. He blinked a few times as he looked at the unconscious ass of a director lying on the floor. Fuck! He didn't regret knocking the douche bag out, but he knew that his father was going to be pissed and it was going to make production of this movie that much more difficult.

The punch he landed on the director was partially for Alex's benefit, but to be fucking honest it had a lot to do with his frustration regarding Brooke. He only wish that Crocodile Dundee was here too, so that he could deliver a punch to the Australian man whore.

He was going to have to get out of here, before he did something else that he would later regret. He was going to have to find a director in addition to finding a new prospect for the costume designer. G-d help him, but he still wanted Brooke... in more than a professional capacity. He just didn't trust himself around her, and there was the more pressing issue of her acceptance. After he barged into her store and treated her like crap (even if he felt she slightly deserved it) he didn't know how he would be able to earn her assistance.

6:00 PM

Damn... Fuck... Shit... bad news travels quickly. He watched Paul walk out of the office and he knew he had only one place to go. Julian had one person to go to for help, and if she said no he wasn't really sure what or where to turn. He wasn't ready, and he was pretty fucking certain neither was she. This was just too soon, but filming began next week and he really couldn't afford the luxury of waiting for them to figure things out before asking her to work with him.

Sighing deeply, Julian rubbed his face with his slightly callused hands. How exactly was he going to convince Brooke Davis to work with him on this movie?? It was completely shitty of him to even ask her to work with him. She despises Alex... she'd probably sabotage the film with some bizarre subliminal costuming that he wouldn't even realize until the premiere.

Julian laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation. He ignored the concerned and anxious views from nervous assistants walking through the room. Sighing again, he thought about going to Victoria instead of Brooke. That was a cowardly move that he wasn't seriously considering, but damn if that wouldn't make things easier!

7:00 PM

He had paced outside of Clothes Over Bros. for about fifteen minutes before finally getting the courage to go inside. Various openings and dialogues were fighting in his head. Should he be contrite and apologetic? Should he be flirtatious? Should he demand? Should he guilt her into working with him? Brooke is such a complex woman, and he knew he was going to have to tread carefully and correctly in order to win her assistance.

The cool wind was not really helping him collect his thoughts, and he finally decided he just needed to rip the bandage off and confront his problems with Brooke. He loved her, but he needed her in a professional capacity almost as much as he needed her in for his romantic fulfillment. Besides, if he waited much longer, there was a greater risk of running into Alexander... and he didn't really trust himself to not do something embarrassing in that situation.

Walking into the store, Julian immediately began to head towards the back where he knew he'd find Brooke designing. He walked slowly through the store, noticing as if for the first time, how many aspects of this store captured Brooke's personality. He shouldn't be surprised, but he was. He chuckled softly at the irony of how difficult it was for Brooke to open up to people, to him. She fought a long and hard battle to prevent him from getting to close and to keep herself from opening up to him, but she willingly and freely exposes intimate details of herself to strangers through her store.

He breathed deeply, savoring the scent that reminded him of Brooke and that conjured up an infinite number of memories with the woman he loved. The smell of Brooke permeated every fabric, every fiber, every molecule of air in the store. The scent was one that was indescribable and unique. He remembered whispering to her one night when he was nuzzling her neck, intoxicated by her smell, that she should market a fragrance. He grinned slightly as he remembered her eyes sparkling in pleasure to his words and his lips.

The music made his lips break into a full smile as he pictured Brooke's carefree dancing to the song from one of his favorite movies. He turned to the spot near the counter where he saw her awkward and ridiculous Molly Ringwald dance moves. It may sound crazy, but he knew he loved her in that moment, that instant changed his heart forever because it became the property of Brooke Davis.

Running his fingers along the smooth counter, his eyes darted to the walls of the store. The color reminded him of their bedroom and some of his favorite pieces of Brooke's lingerie. He was never a fan of purple and didn't really understand why or how anyone could defend it as their favorite color. But now?? Now purple was his second favorite color because it reminded him so vividly of Brooke. Red was definitely his favorite, because of just how damn sexy and amazing Brooke looked when she was in red. The memory of Brooke in a crimson dress with a revealing slit along the front that reached near her upper thigh was making Julian's pants uncomfortable, and he tried in vain to think of frogs and baseball in order to slow his blood flow.

In an attempt to think of something other than the last time he made love to Brooke (which was too fucking long ago), he turned his back from the counter that he and Brooke had had numerous sexual adventures and looked towards the front door. His eyes landed on the centerpiece of Brooke's current collection. The sexy and revealing dress showcased in the middle of the store reminded him of just an ordinary night at home. Chinese takeout, red wine, music quietly playing in the background made it nothing special or particularly memorable, except that was the design she was working on before she left her pencils and pad on the counter to straddle him on the couch. Julian stepped forward to run his fingers along the silky fabric and almost walked out of the store. The memories of his time with Brooke, their life together, was painful and he didn't know if he was strong enough to work with her now.

He was scared that he had pushed her too far, and scared that she wouldn't come back to him. He was also scared that she would come back to him before she was really ready. He knew that he couldn't take her back yet, not unless she trusted him. Until she trusted him completely, Alex could be any star of any movie or any associate that he worked with in the future. Brooke had to know that he loved her, no matter who or what came along.

Reaching the entrance to Brooke's design studio, Julian paused to watch Brooke work. She was beautiful lost in her creative process. She was working with an intensity that he only saw when she was upset, and he wanted to punch himself for causing this artistic output. This was going to be harder than he thought...

He walked softly into the room and cleared his throat to get her attention. This was it... there was no turning back as her wary hazel eyes focused on him. He could immediately feel the tension radiating from her body, and he wanted to beg for her forgiveness for everything... this afternoon, the past few months, shit anything and everything that caused her one moment of pain or doubt.

"I'm sorry about this morning." He thought he'd start small and work his way from there. He was making his way towards her, but had to remind himself not to get to close. He waited anxiously to see how she would respond, and he was relieved to see that she wasn't angry and throwing him out of the store.

He could see his own pain and confusion mirrored in her eyes, her body, and her voice. "I'm sorry too. I should've brought the box to you myself. But I just thought it would be too hard to see you."

_I am the biggest fucking asshole on the planet... _Julian thought to himself. She was so uncomfortable and unsure, her hands were fidgeting and her eyes would barely make contact with his own. He hated that he shared any responsibility for her uncertainty and discomfort. He was supposed to protect her and be there for her, so how did it come to this? How was it that he was protecting Alex and Brooke was here alone?? He had been sure up until this point that the situation was caused by Brooke and her insecurity, but looking at her fragile perch on the stool he wasn't so sure anymore and he hated himself for what he was about to ask of her. He hated that he was going to ask her to be in an uncomfortable position, but he had to... not just for the movie, but for them.

"That makes what I want to ask difficult..." his voice trailed off and he tried his best to be strong and sure. His words began to flow and he tried to quickly and briefly explain that he needed her to be his fashion designer. He wasn't surprised by her incredulous response and resistance. He couldn't help to grin at the horrible timing and selfish request he was making of her.

"You're the only one that I trust, and I need the best for this movie." Honesty... plain and simply honesty. He knew that the only way they would find their way back to each other was through some brutal, painful honesty to deal with their issues.

She was balking at the request, but she wasn't denying him. Uncertainty was etched on every feature of her unforgettable face. Julian knew he had a shot, hell, a fantastic shot, of getting her to agree to work on this movie. She may not see it, but this was symbolic for the two of them. If she could find her way to work with him on the film, then he knew they could find their way back to one another.

He didn't want to press her too hard, even if he still wanted to ravish her body and rip that plaid dress off her body. Shaking those thoughts from his mind he urged her to think about it, and he had to grin a little because he knew that he was thinking of something completely different from what she was trying to wrap her head around. "You won't even have to look at me if you don't want to." He looked up with her with teasing eyes and continued to stand there, unwilling to leave and be alone again. His heart raced as he watched her roll her eyes, not in annoyance, but more in amusement and exasperation. He knew this was a huge request, but she was thinking about it and that was more than he could hope for under the circumstances. And for the first time in a long time, he could genuinely smile and be hopeful for what he and Brooke would be in the future.

9:00 PM

Julian was still grinning. It had been ten minutes since Brooke Davis officially agreed to work on the movie with him, and he couldn't stop smiling or his heart from racing at the endless possibilities the next couple of months could bring.

He really wasn't sure what to expect when he heard her husky voice questioning his earlier assertion that she was the best. He looked up and was relieved to see that she was relaxed and poised in her confidence. Brooke's lips were curled ever so slightly in a small smirk as she made her way closer to him. The playful conversation didn't allude to their recent past, but reminded him of their tumultuous, but entertaining beginning.

Sitting at his desk, his fingers absentmindedly traced his smiling lips. He chuckled at the image of Brooke's seductive sauntering in and out of his studio. That dress hugged her curves the way he wanted to right now, and he had to once again adjust himself in his pants. As arousing as her physical presence was, he was more interested in the change in her approach and her attitude towards him. The distrust was gone, and it was replaced by the girl her used to know... the girl he still cherished and loved. He was replaying their banter over and over through his head. It was so easy and fluid, just like they used to be... just like they were supposed to be.

The more he tried to clear his head of Brooke Davis, the more she dug her heels into his brain and wouldn't leave. Julian suddenly jumped up from his desk and made his way towards the door. He grabbed an apple from the service table, and threw it in the air and caught it, laughing at the memory of Brooke's earlier action.

He was tempted to head towards Brooke's house and finally free her from that sinfully tight dress, but instead he headed towards the empty hotel room. He continued to smile as he slowly undressed, imagining Brooke's similar actions in her own room across town. Naked, Julian started his ipod and shook his head as Brooke's song blasted from the speakers and he made his way into the bathroom for a long shower. He closed his eyes and relaxed against the steam. In the privacy of his hotel's bathroom, Julian let his hand relieve his built-up frustration and loneliness without Brooke.

11:00 PM

Lying in the cold hotel room, Julian thought of Brooke. His mind couldn't stop picturing her and remembering her, and his heart couldn't stop loving her. He unconsciously ran a hand along the opposite side of the bed, the side that Brooke always slept on, even though he knew it was empty because she was in their bed across town. Julian let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. Finally, for the first time in weeks, Julian Baker was able to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for the positive words and encouragement about the story... to be honest, it is really difficult to write because I really don't understand Julian right now. This little exercise is helping me to possibly see his perspective, but it is hard because I'm with Brooke all the way on this! Hope you continue to enjoy and review! Thank you!!

Chapter 3:

This was the worst fucking idea ever... Julian was alone and sitting in a deserted shop class, no scratch that and correction: a chewed in half, delapidated car in a deserted shop class. The art benefit, gala, dance thing was still in full swing, but he just couldn't motivate himself to be out there. She was out there, his Brooke was with Crocodile Fucking Dundee.

I am the biggest, dumbest dumb ass ever... pulling at an unraveling thread from the torn seat cushion, Julian's mind obsessed over Brooke. His mind was picturing her at the bar walking away with Alexander, and away from him. He ran and hid like the dork that he was. He was never good enough to be with Brooke Davis... maybe that was why she pushed him away. Maybe Brooke knew on some level that he wasn't good enough... the thoughts in his head ran over one another for dominance.

He didn't know whether to thank Alex or to shake her. He wouldn't have been here at all tonight to feel completely inadequate and broken after seeing his goddess on a date with the Australian tool if it weren't for Alex. She was trying to make him relax and put him at ease before the biggest day of his career, but instead he felt even more uneasy and insecure. Alex was now not only one of his closest friends, but his only friend in Tree Hill following his breakup with Brooke.

Despite her recent suicide attempt, Alex was fun and she was easy. How ironic that the girl who had just tried to kill herself was drama-less, so transparent with her emotions and expectations. He could really tell a difference in her, and he knew that she was sincerely and honestly trying to change. She wanted to make amends for her earlier transgressions, and he could totally relate and respect her quest for redemption. He didn't understand how Brooke could hold this against him and not support Alex's transformation. The more he thought about Brooke's insecurities, the more frustrated he felt. Hell, he was fucking miserable at the moment, and he should just hurry up and scurry out of the dance before he ran into the new dynamic couple.

He didn't hear her footsteps approaching him. No, Julian could smell Brooke Davis and her unmistakable fragrance before he heard or saw her. His eyes looked up and was surprised at how close she was to him, and equally surprised to see that she was alone. He took a deep breath, not only to calm his sudden queasy stomach, but to savor and record this fragrant memory. Should he speak first or let her make the first move? He didn't have a lot of time to ponder his dilemma, and almost immediately decided that she should make the first move because she was the one who was on a date... not him.

A few seconds of silence passed between the two former lovers. Julian's eyes almost didn't make it to her eyes, as he longingly surveyed her body barely hidden behind her short revealing dress. The colored glasses that completed his Ducky costume gave him a small amount of coverage to admire her beauty. Brooke Davis was amazingly gorgeous and unlike any other woman he had ever met. He just didn't know how to tell her that. He also knew that she didn't want to hear those words. She wanted... hell, he didn't know what she wanted anymore.

Finally looking into her eyes, Julian saw a playful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Her cherry lips were smirking, but her eyes were sad and lost, a mirror reflecting his own. "It's funny... I always had a thing for the guys in shop class."

He was relieved to hear the flirting words in her husky voice. But... her words were a charade and didn't match with what was happening with them. If those words were uttered a couple of months ago, they would have served as foreplay. But, tonight? Tonight those words were almost a lament, almost a plea, and for a moment Julian wanted to reach out and pull Brooke into his arms and make love to her in the front seat of the wreck of a car. He wanted to show her through his kisses and tenderness how much he missed her, how much he needed her, how much his soul ached without her.

But Brooke was on a date... even if she tried to deny it, she was with another guy, and that cut him to his very core. "What happened to your date?" He said it as an accusation, and meant it as a challenge for Brooke. He regretted it once the words left his lips and hung in the air, because he knew what she would say and do. She would easily volley it back to him with more words and insecurities about Alex. The delicate and fragile facade the two were acting under would be broken because he had to be a dick and remind her she was with another man. The precious few instances of flirting banter would be gone, and the bitter Brooke would return.

"What happened to your date?" he swore there was an echo or Brooke had an instant replay flashing through her mind. He could literally see each word pass across her lovely features as her posture changed. However, her response was actually a little startling. Instead of fighting, Brooke rolled her eyes and quickly dismissed it as something obvious. She actually looked more relaxed and she reached for the door handle to join him in the car.

Heart thumping and filled with his own insecurities, Julian unlocked the door to allow the love of his life to sit with him. "You know I wasn't trying to make you jealous right?" She actually sounded incredulous that he would think anything of her being with Alexander. He knew it was ironic, and cruel, and that he had absolutely no right, but he did feel jealous and he did feel that Brooke was at least enjoying this on a subconscious level.

"You said you weren't coming... why did you?" She was so fucking vulnerable. Was he responsible for this? Was he actually responsible for doing the one thing he vowed he would never do? Was he responsible for breaking Brooke Davis? He wanted to assure her that he came for her, that he thought there was a possibility that she was reaching out to him... that they could work past everything and go back to the way they were. But what good would that do? She was with Alexander, and he was still working with Alex. Being together now would only prolong the inevitable split if neither could trust and understand the other.

So he decided to tell her the partial truth for his attendance, that he was seeking clarity before his first day of directing. He wanted to tell her what he could tell Alex. He wanted to tell her that he was afraid he was going to fail, and that failure was not an option with this film. He couldn't let his father down, and he was scared to death to let Alex down. This wasn't just any film, this was the film that he had put everything he could into making it happen because this was the film that destroyed his relationship with Brooke... and that meant it had to be a fucking masterpiece... a classic... somebody's favorite film.

He knew she was disappointed, and he almost added a little P.S. to his explanation. How could he be so cruel to the woman he was so desperately in love with? He couldn't say what she wanted to hear, his pride and his head wouldn't let him say, "I came for you, and only you, Brooke Davis." He could be heartless, because he no longer was in possession of his... it was either sitting in Brooke's tiny purse or it was scattered into the abyss following their breakup.

What would she do? Julian honestly had no idea. He wasn't sure how Brooke would respond. Her voice was raspy and low, but her tone held promise as she proclaimed, "Nothing boosts the geek's confidence like a kiss from the cheerleader."

What the fuck?! Did she just say what I think she said?! He had no idea what to do or what to say, so like the geek that he was, Julian sat there. He attempted to flash his self-assured grin that he knew made her weak in the news, but he couldn't physically make himself grin. His grin projected confidence, and that was something he was genuinely lacking, especially in his lovable loser costume. All he could do was sit and wait, and hope to hell that his ears did not deceive him.

Dreaming. That's what this is... how else can you explain the piece of shit car and the hideous clothes?! He was dreaming and of course he was dreaming of Brooke moving closer to him, almost in slow motion like from one of his favorite cheesy, but classic 80s films. He watched her move in closer, and at the slightest of contact when she reached for his tie to pull him towards her he knew he was awake and this was real. She was so gentle and generous, and he only hoped that his eyes could express the intensity of his gratitude and love for her. Heaven only knew there wasn't a chance he would be able to produce words or sounds.

The kiss itself was chaste and possibly on the same level of a kiss one would give to a friend or relative. Lasting only a fraction of a second, the tingling sensation on Julian's lips fortunately remained. Maybe this was a dream, because he couldn't open his eyes. He couldn't move or speak because this was what he needed and Brooke not only knew, but she gave when it so obviously hurt her. How could he have not seen or remembered that this is who Brooke Davis is?

Breaking the spell she had casted, Brooke calmly voiced her own confidence in Julian. "You're going to do great." Her affirmation rang in his ears and mingled with his own expectations for the next day of filming. As much as he needed to hear her reassurance, the thing that made him smile with a tinge of sadness was her promise to see him tomorrow. Not just see him, but see him at work tomorrow. He was so busy dealing with his own shit, he finally saw how much of a sacrifice it was for her to work with him again. This wasn't just any film and it wasn't just any actress... this was the movie and the actress that robbed her of her trust for him. It finally dawned on Julian Baker just how much of an asshole he was to her.

"Hey Brooke?" Julian finally found his voice, and he had to stop her from leaving just yet. He needed to let her know that he got it, that he understood that this was an enormous request for her, and that she was an amazing woman for being able to do this. "This isn't going to be easy, is it? You and I being friends?"

"No." He wanted to kick himself when her voice wavered and almost broke. "But it's better than not being in each other's life at all." Her red lips were pursed in a brave but despairing position. You couldn't call it a smile or a grin, but maybe the expression for resignation. She turned to walk away, and Julian was torn. Brooke's behavior was completely out of character from her actions the past couple of months, and yet this was more true to her than anything he had seen her express since the days after they first met.

Brooke Davis was a complex mystery, and he suddenly realized that instead of already having her figured out he was just beginning the journey.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and a special thank you to each person who has taken the additional time to leave a review! Your words of encouragement and praise mean the world... I'm a little scared to write more for this story because I'm unsure where the show is taking the characters for the next couple of episodes. If you've seen the previews or read spoilers, you know what I'm talking about!

Chapter 4

Peering into the flickering screen of his laptop, Julian was stuck. He was trying to figure out the next line of dialogue for a scene in the movie and he couldn't move past it. Of course, it didn't help his writer's block that the scene was a total parallel of his situation with Brooke. Sighing deeply in frustration, he could only shake his head and put his hand to his forehead. He had to will this headache from turning into a migraine. His head and heart knew that this scene would continue to be a problem until he figured out how to do the same with Brooke.

Thinking of Brooke, his head pounded a little more intensely. She had been great working on the film, but it was somewhat torturous to see her each day on the set with Alexander lurking in the shadows. He believed her when she said that they were just working together, but he saw the way Alexander watched Brooke from a distance and he knew lust and admiration when he saw it. Alexander looked at Brooke the same way he did when he first came to Tree Hill, and it was only a matter of time before he and Brooke were together. He couldn't help but worry that Alexander would be at the right place at the right time and their working relationship would blossom into something more.

Shaking his head to try and remove the thoughts of Brooke and Alexander, he was surprised to hear the voice he still heard in his dreams each night, "Hey." Looking up at Brooke he still felt shitty for his role in her vulnerable defensive pose. She clutched the notebook to her chest almost as a physical shield to prevent him from penetrating her delicate heart. No matter how upset she is or how disappointed she is with their situation, she always asks about him even if it is in an adorably awkward kind of way, "How's everything going?"

He takes her innocent question and answers truthfully, happy for the opportunity to share with her something that is more than symbolic of their own relationship. So instead of the customary, "Fine," Julian tells her that he is having difficulty finding the words for a particular scene, he is trying to find honesty with the characters. Maybe by discussing this dilemma with Brooke, he can find clarity for the scene.

Surprisingly, Brooke closes the notebook and moves it to her side. "What's the scene?" she inquires, and Julian can't help but be a little hopeful at her interest in his problem.

Slowly standing, now this is the delicate part. How does he get Brooke's help and express himself to Brooke about more than just the movie. She knows the movie, she's read the script, but they are both living particular parts of it. and he hates like hell that this is so close to them. "It's the part where he leaves her." His voice is lower than normal and he tries to convey to Brooke his regret that it had to come to that, that he doesn't agree with the decision, that he misses her g-ddamn it!

"Oh... well, I think all girls understand the moment there's another girl." She is stronger and more straightforward than he anticipated. He can't help but be a little pissed that she still thinks this is about Alex. He knows that his face shows his frustration and his hurt. He wants her to trust him, he wants her to love him, and to fight for him and to fucking forget about fucking Alex already! "So maybe it's more about what they don't say..." her voice begins to trail off and she knows that they are talking about a lot more than a stupid scene in a stupid movie. She is talking about him and he isn't going to just sit back and let it go.

Moving out from behind his desk, Julian starts to walk towards Brooke. "Actually, I was thinking he doesn't say enough, you know? I mean she's got to know that he loved her. If she doesn't, he has to find the words to convince her." He was afraid to go any closer to her, because if he moved closer he would have no choice, he would have to take her into his arms. He would have to confess to her all the rambling thoughts ransacking his mind.

"And what are those words?" Brooke continued to look skeptical and hurt. She doesn't look impressed by his tentative and blatant words. He doesn't know what to say to her, other than to come out and say it. But hasn't he already told her? Hasn't he already said everything a boy could possibly say to a girl for her to know that he was in hopelessly and madly in love?

"I don't know yet, but I'm going to find them." He paused for a moment and tilted his head slightly, and he flashed her the smallest hint of his grin. "I mean, the movie depends on it." He shrugged at her, hoping his eyes and tone and lips convinced her that he was talking about so much more than a movie. That he realized he had to convince her, that it was his responsibility to reach out to her... he just couldn't yet, but he was working on it. He would find the words and he would find the actions that would convince her to come back to him.

"Right... well, then... I should get back to work." With a quick flash of the dimples he prayed all day he would see, she turned her back and was on her way out the door. He didn't move to return to the computer until he heard the faint click of the front door to the office. He watched her retreating form, and he watched the empty space she once occupied. He watched for a couple of minutes, as if willing her to return to him. Damn it, he missed that girl.

When Alex emerged from the makeshift dressing "room" behind a curtain, Julian didn't know if he should laugh and hug Brooke or fire her. Alex was wearing an ill-fitting outfit that was perhaps the frumpiest thing imaginable. He turned to Brooke and wished that his tone didn't sound like a plea for her to make Alex sexier. "I mean, not slutty, just sexy," he quickly amended. He could only imagine what Brooke would do if she thought he wanted to see Alex sexy! He could feel his head begin to throb again as he could imagine the difficulties of navigating the tension between the two women.

"Yeah." Brooke's tense agreement made Julian's neck stiffen as he watched her walk over to Alex. Watching Brooke, he saw her avoid making eye contact with Alex as she suggested tucking the shirt and began adjusting the sleeves. Brooke suddenly stopped and began to unroll the sleeves. "No, I like the sleeves up," he wanted to be supportive of Brooke's attempts of working with Alex and taking his gentle criticism. He thought the sleeves looked better up than completely hanging down as they did now.

"Slutty..." Brooke waved her hands as she dropped down to kneel in front of Alex. She began adjusting the hem of the skirt and seemed to be lost in her mental adjustments of Alex's wardrobe.

Trusting Brooke's judgment, Julian agreed "Okay, whatever you think. Rehearsal in 20?" He could tell by the sounds behind them he was needed elsewhere. He wanted to show Brooke that he trusted her and that he believed in her vision, but he also had to check on some other more pressing issues. He was slightly disappointed that they had to dissolve their earlier tension into a simple all work and business relationship.

Watching Alex on the monitor for what seemed like the hundredth take, was extremely frustrating for Julian. He knew that Paul was unimpressed and that he was being watched closely by everyone. He had put literally everything he had into this film. He had sold most of his possessions to finance the film, and he lost (hopefully only temporarily) Brooke all to make this film. He knew the film had to be successful in order to recoup any of the losses he made, especially the losses he made with Brooke.

He needed this film to be successful because of everything he invested, and because of everything that seemed dangerously precarious and dependent on this movie. He looked nervously over at his father and was not surprised to see the disappointment on Paul's face. It was a facial expression he had seen many times over the course of his lifetime. He knew that his father was on his side and wanted to support him, but Alex's current work was making it really difficult. He was afraid that if Alex and this film collapsed, his newfound relationship with his father would too.

He walked up to Alex to work with her on the delivery of her lines. There was so much about her vulnerability that reminded him of Brooke, and unlike Brooke, he could help Alex. Alex welcomed his assistance and his support. He had to show Alex unconditional support and a gentleness that she had never experienced before. He knew that Alex could perform this scene, hell this entire fucking movie, because this was her life. These were Alex's words, and she was a talented actress. Alex had just as much, if not more, riding on the success of this film. He just had to make sure she didn't let her destructive self doubt sabotage their efforts.

Working with Alex on her scene, Julian could feel all eyes on him. He knew his father was watching and was impressed, but he also knew that Brooke was watching from the shadows of wardrobe. Unfortunately, he knew his attention and kindness to Alex could be misinterpreted as intimacy by Brooke. He gave a silent prayer that Brooke could see past what was in front of her, he was willing her to see how important this was for him, and to look beyond the closeness he shared with Alex. He reached out to Alex to hug her at the end of the scene, and he couldn't help but think of Brooke instead. He wished that she was in his arms, and that he could prove to her that Alex was only a friend. He saw the pride that was in his father's eyes, and he was grateful. But he wanted his father to see that Alex was more than what he thought, because if he could get Paul behind Alex then he wouldn't have to try so hard. He could relax... he could breathe.

Intent on camera angles and direction, he didn't even notice the obnoxious Australian ass come in through his set. "Nice shot Hitchcock! It's Vertigo right?" Alexander and Julian exchanged looks as Alexander made his way through the set and towards Brooke. He really hated that guy and he couldn't wait until his business was over and he was back down under. What did Brooke even see in this guy?! He was an obvious ass... he couldn't be that talented... Seriously, Brooke couldn't find some other dude to help her with the fashion line.

Julian tried really hard to ignore Alexander's effect on Brooke. He probably could've ignored the two designers if it weren't for Brooke's enthusiastic squealing at whatever piece that Alexander brought along with him. Julian tried to be subtle as he looked towards the back of the set to observe their interactions with each other. _Hey Beauty_??? Who says shit like that?! Julian knew that he had no real right to be jealous, but it pissed him off to no end that Alexander had little nicknames for HIS Brooke. In an attempt to break up their little chummy time, Julia decided to send Alex back to distract the two. He knew that Alexander was interested in Brooke, but he also saw the way he checked out Alex when he entered the room.

What the hell?! Brooke quickly sent Alex right back to him for the scene, and once again she was alone with her boy toy. Julian positioned himself closer to the back of the set so that he could possibly hear what the two were talking about. Unfortunately, the sound from the crew and the cameras drowned out Brooke and Alexander. Damn it! He knew he should've learned to read lips when he was younger... He tried to distract himself by fidgeting with the script and asking a question for the tenth time, but he was completely focused when he saw Alexander lean in and kiss Brooke's cheek. What the fuck was that?! She's fucking making out with her new boy on HIS movie set?! That was completely uncool and uncalled for... he could feel his disappointment and anger start to rise inside of him. He needed to call action and get lost in the movie or he was going to go to jail for assault.

He knew that Brooke was waiting for him, but he really didn't care. He was going to make her wait all night, if necessary. Besides, he really needed to calm down before he said something that he would totally regret later. Walking up to her chair, he noticed she was impatiently tapping her fingernails on the clothes she had pulled for his approval. He had every intention of being professional and keeping the conversation to the clothes, but as soon as he saw her face looking up at him he couldn't help himself. Crossing his arms across his chest he stated, "So Alexander's kind of a tool, huh?"

She was not amused, "If by tool, you mean good designer..." She held up the two choices for Alex's next costume. Julian quickly chose one while simultaneously stating, "Yeah, tool." He couldn't stop the small smirk that was across his face. He was daring her to defend the asshole, and his blatant macking on her on his set.

She folded the clothes in her lap, and had a sarcastic grin on her face. "Wow! And I was just about to tell you that you did a really good job with Alex in that scene today." Her demeanor changed from angry to sincere and sad in a matter of seconds. Suddenly Julian was the one he felt like a tool. "And then maybe I was going to tell you, that you're a natural." She was actually complimenting him, and it wasn't filled with venom and it wasn't filled with jealousy towards Alex. How did their roles get reversed? How did things change to where he is the jealous and insecure person in the relationship? She was always supportive of his career, but this? This was beyond anything she had done before, because he knew how much it hurt her to see him work so closely with Alex.

"Don't be so hard on yourself..." Damn, she is still being supportive and encouraging. She should be screaming at him for attacking and insinuating something between her and Alexander...

"Is this too hard on you?" He asked rather sheepishly of her. He knew that it was, no matter her answer. He knew that a decent person wouldn't ask their former girlfriend to work with him and the girl she thought was a problem.

"I'm okay." She shrugged her shoulder and ducked her down slightly. Her eyes were on the brink of an emotional break. She was so delicate in her beauty and in her strength, but then again she was a hell of a lot stronger than he could ever be.

Suddenly Paul approached from behind Julian, and once again a moment that could've proven to be a gateway to more was quickly interrupted. Brooke quickly seized the opportunity to head off to work, and for one of the first times since Paul agreed to help him make the movie, Julian resented his father's presence.

He didn't need his father to tell him the obvious. That he shouldn't have sold his car, that he shouldn't have put everything into this movie, that he shouldn't have banked so much on an unreliable talent like Alex. But that was a little late... too bad he hadn't heard this little advice months ago before he got caught up in Alex's life. Julian rubbed his head and forced those thoughts out of his head, he couldn't spend time he didn't have wondering how different his life would be if he had never met Alex. He didn't want to resent her, because he knew that if he hadn't gotten involved with her, he would be with Brooke. He missed Brooke so badly that if he didn't keep himself in check, he would lash out Alex and Paul and he needed both of them.

After a long day of filming, Julian needed a break but knew he was hours away from actually being able to take one. Looking around the set, he caught a glimpse of Jamie sitting in one of the director's chairs playing around with the footage from the camera he gave him earlier. Walking towards him he playfully asked, "How's my first AD doing? Did you get some good footage?" Jamie grinned at him and offered to show him his footage as Julian sat down next to him.

He should have smelled a trap as he sat down next to Jamie, or at least seen the mischievous smile on the young child's face. Of course the little brat would film a lot of his Aunt Brooke! Julian watched in awe as he saw Brooke's face transform across the screen as she greeted her godson. "She's pretty great." Julian had no trouble admitting the obvious truth to Jamie. Watching her joyful face, Julian felt his own lips turn up into a smile that was unfortunately bittersweet. He loved seeing how happy Brooke was around her godson, but it instantly reminded him that it had been a long time since he was around a joyful Brooke. He was also reminded that Brooke would've made an amazing mother and that it was immensely unfair that she wouldn't be able to have children.

Julian knew that he may very well never be the reason that Brooke Davis smiled with such excitement and pure joy. He felt a sharp pain of loss that he couldn't share that with her or that he may never see it again. In a moment of genius philanthropy, he decided to let Jamie keep the small video camera. He instructed his "AD" to take more videos when he came on set. He knew that every Jamie would be likely to film Brooke, and that meant he would get to see that smile of Brooke's every time he looked at Jamie's footage.

It was a fucking long day! He had forgotten how exhausting it could be to work on a film, and it was especially tiring when he was the one completely in charge. He was turning off the lights and the monitors, when he decided to take a moment to just walk around and take it all in. He couldn't believe that he was the freaking director of a film that he was producing with his previously estranged father, his currently former girlfriend, and recovering addict/attempted suicide surviver. It was more than a little overwhelming...

He heard Brooke's heels approaching towards him in the middle of the stage. She stepped under one of the overhead lights, and she simply took his breath away. He had been well aware of her beauty throughout the day, but she positively glowed beneath the halo of the light. "I'm heading out..." she gave a little motion towards the doors of the studio. The light didn't just illuminate her beauty, but it seemed to expose all of her insecurities and her little weaknesses for him to see. "Are you okay?" She asked before leaving.

He couldn't believe that after everything he has put her through, she continues to think of his well-being. Had he ever met another woman like her?? "Yeah... tired."

"Well, for what it's worth... I think you're doing great." Her words hung in the air and he felt guilt and a loss so deep he couldn't express it in words or in actions.

"Thanks... coming from you, that means everything." He wanted to say so much more, but he was so tired he didn't know if he would make sense. Hell, he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't dreaming right now. Her eyes were so sad, and for a moment he thought she was as lost as he was without her. He needed to find the words, he had to find the words to make her realize what he felt and what he knew he lost.

"Hey, Brooke?" She turned her head towards him. Her eyes questioning and encouraging him to say what she needed to hear. She seemed to be willing him to do some sort of action to fix this problem like he fixed a thousand other problems today on the set. "I miss you."

He knew that wasn't the magic phrase or exactly what she needed, but it was the G-d's honest truth. He fucking missed her with every cell of his body. He missed her, he missed her, he fucking needed her.

"Coming from you, that means everything too." Their eyes continued to love one another from across the stage. He was impressed by the conviction in her voice, and the tenderness in her eyes. He tried like hell to keep the tears from escaping his eyes, and kept looking straight into her. He wouldn't be the one to break contact first, he wanted her to know he was here, right here and he wasn't leaving and he wasn't pushing her away again.

Almost but not quite grinning at one another, Julian continued to hold Brooke's gaze. For a brief moment, he thought she might close the distance between the two of them and kiss him. For a brief moment, he thought HE might close the distance between the two of them and kiss her. He was contemplating maybe just a small kiss on the cheek like the one he saw Alexander give her earlier, but then she dropped her head and turned to leave.

He watched her figure retreat like she always does, and he was left alone with the choices he had made. He missed Brooke, but he made a choice and he made the movie his top priority. He decided that his commitment to Alex and this movie was more important than the commitment he had made with Brooke, so could he really blame her that she left? Watching her shadow and straining to hear her fading footsteps, Julian had never regretted a decision so much.


	5. Chapter 5

I've been thinking of either writing a story from Brooke's point of view or including separate chapters from her side... I can't really write more from Julian's perspective until tomorrow night. SOOOO here's Brooke...

Chapter 4 - part 2

This was quite possibly the hardest thing that Brooke Davis has ever done. Well, not this particular moment, but just her general, brilliant, decision to work with Julian on Alex's movie. She hated to mope and complain, because this was her decision... she didn't have to agree and help. But lord help her, she wanted no she needed an excuse to stay in Julian's life. As pathetic as it may sound, she was invigorated by the fact that he possibly needed her and that he came to her for assistance. That had to mean something, right?

She hated to bother him at work, but if she was being honest, she looked for reasons to approach him. She always made sure it was professional and quick, she didn't want to come off being desperate (she was) or pathetic (she was). This morning was no different, she grabbed her notebook and practically marched into Julian's office. Her hurried pace, defied her self-consciousness and she eagerly gripped the notebook in front of her chest as if it were a life preserver. Her pace slowed considerably and she wished she could turn and flee when she saw the evidence of his stressful job etched across his entire body.

"Hey..." Really?! Is that the best she could do?! She couldn't help but be reminded of that sappy chick flick, An Affair to Remember, that she watched with Haley back when they were roommates. What kind of girl can only say "hello" when confronted by the man she loves? "How's everything going?" she quickly added, she was not going to be a cliche!

She listened intently as Julian described the problem with a scene from the film. She was grateful that he was sharing his problem with her... okay, so she knew it wasn't much. He's probably already told this to everyone on set, including the guy who only spoke Spanish, but it made her feel a little special that he was including her. He could've given the customary "fine" but he was choosing to be a little more open with her, and she hated herself just a little bit more, for it making her hopeful.

"What's the scene?" She had read the script back when he and ho-bag were busy working on it, but now she relied upon Julian's break downs and descriptions to plan the wardrobe. She was trying to think of which scene that could cause Julian so much worry.

Julian slowly stands and Brooke quickly swallows at his movement towards her. She is always impressed by his height and his lean build, and she isn't really sure where it originated but she is a sucker for his plaid button-down shirts. His outfits are more about comfort than style, and as a world famous fashion designer, she should be put-off. Because let's face it, Julian Baker is never going to make a "Best Dressed" list! Instead, she is shockingly drawn to his quirky and relaxed clothing choices, and she loves it because it suits him.

"It's the one where he leaves her."

If this was that old Batman cartoon or comic strip, there would be a huge star, flame, shape thingy that would proclaim "Bam!" or "Pow!" Damn it! It wasn't so much the scene she knew he was talking about, but it was the way he fucking said it... and the way he crinkled his eyebrows. Seriously, like NOW he is going to be concerned about her?! NOW he is going to try and be all Mr. Sensitive to how she might feel?! She wanted to throw the freaking notebook at him and walk out, but she didn't. She was a professional, and she was going to be strong, and he was going to see that he was a freaking idiot for dumping her.

"Oh... well, I think all girls understand the moment there's another girl. So maybe it's more about what they don't say." Ka-bam! to you Producer Boy! She was proud of herself for not backing down and sounding a hell of a lot stronger than she actually felt. They were obviously talking about more than just a scene from the movie, and she was surprised that his face looked so frustrated.

Uh oh... Julian was moving closer towards her. He didn't reach very far, but they hadn't been physically close to one another in weeks, and they hadn't been emotionally close in what felt like a life time. "Actually, I was thinking he doesn't say enough, you know? I mean she's got to know that he loved her. I mean if she doesn't, he has to find the words to convince her."

Loved... as in past tense? She had to gulp to keep from letting out an audible sound that encompassed all of her misery. How can he already be talking about their love in the past tense?! What difference does it make if it is in the past... why does he need to convince her? Why is it always words with him? A hundred other questions littered her mind, but wanted to keep up the pretense of talking about the "movie," so she shot him an easy question instead. "And what are those words?"

"I don't yet, but I'm going to find them. I mean the movie depends on it." At first she thought he was going to give her a trademark Julian Baker grin, but there was just the hint of one. She knew that he was attempting to reach out to her, but she was sick of words! Words, words, words... why is it that boys think that words can make everything better? There were no words left to say, she needed him to act instead of crafting more words. He continued to stand still, not moving forward towards her, and she was tired of being the one to reach out to him. Looking at Julian standing firmly in his spot, she knew there would be no actions now, tomorrow, or quite possibly ever.

"Right... well, then... I should get back to work." She gave him a forced half smile that she knew didn't reach her eyes and turned on her heel to leave the office. With this recent exchange lingering in her ears, it was actually a lot easier leaving his office than it was entering it a few minutes ago. Unfortunately, that did little to convince Brooke this was the right thing and didn't make it any easier to keep her tears from falling.

Amusement and exasperation were in Julian's eyes. Alex had just stepped out of the makeshift dressing area, and Brooke knew that it wasn't the sexiest or best outfit she could've chosen for Alex. Maybe she did that intentionally... okay, okay , so... she did choose it intentionally, but this was just the first fitting! Brooke knew that nothing ever fit perfectly at first, and it was customary to adjust to the body and sizes of each particular actor or model. You'd think Julian would know that by now after working on a gazillion films.

He actually turned to her and asked her to make Alex sexier! It took a lot of self control to keep Brooke from saying something sarcastic and mean when he added, "not slutty." Why shouldn't she make Alex look exactly like the manipulative, ho-bag, bitch that she was?! But, she was a freaking professional and she had to remind herself that she was trying to be friends with Julian, so if that meant being professional towards Alex... then so be it.

Striding over to the unusually quiet Alex, Brooke started talking about the adjustments she would make to Alex's wardrobe. She didn't have to look or speak directly to Alex in order to do her job, so she wasn't going to go out of her way. She immediately grabbed the sleeves and began to roll them up, when she had to stop. There were the unavoidable, unmistakable scars from Alex's unstable past staring up at Brooke. The scars seemed to glare at her, accusing her of being inconsiderate and intolerant towards Alex's dependency on Julian. She looked into Alex's eyes for the first time, and she saw what Julian probably saw. She saw a scared girl, filled with self-doubt, and Brooke thought again about the similarities between them. She started unrolling the sleeves, and dismissed Julian's suggestion while she focused on the lower hem of Alex's skirt.

Julian left to go attend to some other pressing matter, and Brooke knew it was inevitable that she would eventually have to be alone with Alex. She definitely didn't want the chick to mistake her earlier actions as some type of friendship invitation. I mean they weren't about to have a slumber party and do facials... She didn't trust Alex, and she wasn't sure if she ever would. There was a part of her that could never forgive Alex for her cruelty about her infertility, but that didn't mean that she had to be cruel in return. Brooke prided herself on her maturity and growth since her high school days.

"You didn't have to do that... with the sleeves." Good the ho-bag looks guilty. Well, she should feel guilty! Brooke isn't about to offer her shoulder for Alex to come and cry on, so she needs to convince Alex that it wasn't about the scars, but all about appearances. "I know... It looks better like this." Back to business, Brooke turned to retrieve a couple of choices for Alex. Great now Alex is trying to be nice by not being able to decide?! Arrrgghhh! Brooke automatically pushes one of the outfits out towards Alex, she doesn't have time for Alex's fake indecisive bullshit.

"Brooke, I'm sorry that you and Julian broke up." Does Alex actually have the audacity to try and apologize or offer her sympathy?! Brooke is familiar with the whole apologizing process with rehab, and she knows that Alex isn't sorry at all. Looking at Alex's fidgeting and nervousness, Brooke can tell by Alex's eyes that she still loves, lusts, likes, whatever Julian.

"Okay..." How the hell is she supposed to respond to Alex's "apology"? Alex's sincerity is about as genuine as the day she marched into COB with fertility pamphlets. If it weren't for Julian, this bitch would be on the ground... or was it because of Julian that she wanted to slap Alex? Either way, Brooke wasn't interested in any other little girlie bonding chats with Alex, and she wanted to make that clear with as few words as possible.

"Okay, I'll try this on." Alex turned to put on the clothes that Brooke just handed to her, and Brooke was able to fortunately leave this little portion of the uncomfortableness behind.

Watching Alex going through her scene, Brooke knew there were problems. She wasn't Roger Ebert, but she knew that Alex wasn't nailing the scene. She also knew Julian, and his tense posture and sour expression was enough to tell her that Alex needed to do better. She was thankful that Paul was here, reaching out to Julian, but she also understood how much more pressure and stress it caused him.

After some terse words with Paul, Julian made his way to Alex. It felt like a thousand little daggers into her heart as she watched Julian gently lift Alex's face and caress her with his encouraging words. She felt cold and alone as the director and actress connected over the words they created together. Brooke didn't feel any victorious vindication as she watched the two hug after Alex finally completed the scene. She felt hollow, and she knew she had never wanted to be wrong more than right now as she saw the looks exchanged between Alex and Julian.

Why the hell did she agree to do this?? Julian didn't need her... he could have gotten anyone to do the wardrobe for this film, because let's face it... this wasn't exactly stretching it wardrobe wise! It wasn't like this was a period piece or anything, this was basically the way everyone dressed, and he didn't need an actual fashion designer to help him. She was tempted to quit and to simply walk away, but then that would be officially admitting that things were actually over with Julian. She just didn't know if she ready to do that yet, even if the proof was rubbing all over each other right in front of her face.

Instead of quitting, Brooke headed over to Tric for a much needed afternoon cocktail. Remembering back to her first "business meeting" with Julian, she knew that she could work and enjoy a glass of wine or two. Relieved to see the empty bar she felt comfortable heading over to the relatively new bartender, Grubbs, for a little friendly conversation.

Grubbs wasn't obviously sexy like Owen, but he was much more competent than Chase. There was something gentle in his eyes and his tone. She hated to be the typical bar patron who spilled their guts to the bartender, but there was something about Grubbs that told her it was okay... he had been there too.

So when Grubbs asked, she opened up and she talked to him. She felt she didn't have anyone she could really talk to about everything anymore. Peyton was off in family land with Lucas, and their phone conversations were becoming increasingly sporadic. She knew that she could call and talk to her, but how could she tell her about her current problems with Julian without Peyton thinking it really had to do with her? Haley had been great, but she didn't really get it. She just saw this as a bump in the road or a temporary detour, and wasn't able to really understand her issues because let's face it... Nathan had been whipped after their first tutoring session! Besides, Haley's hands were full with her own family drama, and she felt like a broken record, constantly bitching about Julian. Victoria had been really impressive in her support, but she was still a little hesitant to just start sharing with her mother. Sometimes a stranger was the perfect person to share your heartache with, especially a stranger who has been there, done that. Alexander had been wonderful and listened to her bitch and whine about Julian and Alex, but he was a guy and it just wasn't the same.

Crap... this was the last time she talks to a stranger about her problems with Julian. Seriously, what kind of name is Grubbs anyway?! His ex is with someone else now?! Of course... this was destiny's weird kind of way to tell her to get over it already, because this was going to be her future. Damn Julian for his mixed signals, damn Alex for her sexy vulnerability, damn Grubbs for his honesty, and damn herself for not begging Julian to stay, and damn Julian for walking away and not staying like he promised he would.

"How did you know it was over?" she was such the stereotypical heart broken little girl. She had promised herself a long time ago, that she wouldn't do that, that she wouldn't find herself here again. But... here she was, drinking sparkling water of all things and whining to a hippie, grungy bartender.

He knew she was gone because she stopped saying she missed him?? Well, fuck! When was the last time Julian told her that? When was the last time Julian talked about something other than the movie? Well, okay the earlier conversation they had might have been about them, but he said "loved" as in past tense. Grubbs was depressing as hell, because he confirmed what she essentially already knew... Julian was gone.

After polishing off her bottle of water, she made her way back to the studio to finish the day's filming. She was expecting Alexander to bring over one of their suits for the men's collection, and Jamie was supposed to come by to visit too. She decided to set up in the "kitchen" of the set so that she didn't have to watch Julian and Alex get all lovey dovey over her acting.

Scribbling into her notebook, Brooke thought she should have brought her laptop because who really uses a notebook anymore?! Sitting at the table, she wasn't really able to hear Alex and Julian discussing the scene from the front of the set. She was completely engrossed in her notes, when she head Alexander's Australian voice calling her "beauty." She squealed in excitement to see the suit that he brought with him. She was actually a little disappointed he didn't call her "boss," she was getting to be pretty fond of his little nicknames for her and their working relationship.

Examining the suit, she made a suggestion for some adjustments and felt a mixture of excitement and disappointment when he announced they would be ready to unveil in a month. Despite the large corporation of COB, Brooke had never worked so closely and well with another person on the creative designing aspects of the business. She knew that Alexander was only a consultant, and he had numerous other projects, but she hoped that he would be willing to stick around for a little while after the men's line launched.

Of course... here comes Alex! Brooke started making some adjustments to Alex's shirt and couldn't help but be perturbed when Alexander unabashedly proclaimed, "You look hot!" Alex giggled and smiled in appreciation of Alexander's compliment, and Brooke wanted to smack both of them. She just didn't understand why every male seemed to fall under Alex's spell, and she gave him a withering look while shooting down his attempts to help her adjust Alex's shirt.

She didn't know if she wanted to barf or trip Alex as she pushed her back towards Julian. "Really?!" she couldn't help but question Alexander as he watched Alex saunter back to Julian. She thought that Alexander had better taste in women, but then she remembered some of his conquests in New York and rolled her eyes as he defended his lust. "She is pretty hot."

"Another guy hypnotized by Alex! She's like a freaking siren." She didn't know why Alexander's appreciation of Alex pissed her off so much. Oh, because Alex already had Julian and now she was getting her slutty hands on one of her last remaining friends. She was going to have to spray Mouth down with Alex-repellant.

"Hey, no woman is as alluring as you Brooke Davis." Wow, he lays it on pretty thick when he's trying to dig his way out of trouble. She had her bullshit meter face on, and Alexander knew that Brooke wasn't as gullible as the women he usually approached. He quickly excused himself to head back to work, and Brooke suddenly felt guilty (like she always does) about lashing out at him. She knew she didn't have any right to Alexander, and it didn't matter who he thought was attractive. She honestly had no romantic notions about him because she was still completely in love with Julian, the butt-head, Baker. She just really appreciated him for standing beside her through some pretty shitty recent moments.

"Hey... I appreciate you being around. I know you didn't sign up for a lot of this." She didn't want to push Alexander away too. She really did value his friendship and their working relationship. If she was being completely honest, she also appreciated his flirtatious words and looks since Julian sure wasn't going there and was giving all of his affection to Alex. Julian's rejection of her made her doubt herself, and she doubted if she would ever be worthy of someone else's love.

"No worries... I'm here for whatever you need." Brooke was pleasantly surprised with the small kiss that Alexander placed on her cheek. She wasn't interested in Alexander romantically, and he knew that. She definitely wasn't leading Alexander on in any capacity, but it was nice. He could kiss her on the cheek and she felt a little bit of love, not romantically, but the love a person has for a friend. Alexander had quickly become an important person in her life, and she really didn't know how she would've handled Julian's break up and now this movie without him.

Sitting in one of the director's chairs, Brooke tapped her fingernails impatiently. She had been waiting for Julian for over thirty minutes and she was beginning to get pissed that he was so inconsiderate of her time... still. Finally! Julian made his way over to the empty seat next to her, and she picked up the outfits for his approval. "So Alexander's kind of a tool, huh?" She looked over at Julian surprised by his tone, and his defensive position. His arms were crossed and his face held the same expression as when he was mocking Nick Lachey at Lucas and Peyton's wedding. Was he jealous??

She wasn't going to play whatever kind of weird game Julian was trying to draw her into. She held up the pieces and defended Alexander, "By tool, you mean really good designer." How dare he say shit about Alexander after the way he drooled and dropped everything to be with Alex!

"Yeah, tool." He responded smugly with the hint of a grin on his lips. If it had been any other moment, Brooke would've been happy to see that he was jealous or she would have been weak at the prospect of seeing his lethal grin. But it wasn't any other time, it was now, and she wasn't going to sit here and listen to his ridiculous shit. Folding the clothes in her lap, Brooke reminded him of who he chose, "Wow! And I was just going to tell you that you did a really good job with Alex on that scene today."

His facial expression immediately changed, and softened, even if his arms remained crossed tightly across his chest. Brooke continued to try and make him feel guilty for implying anything negative about Alexander, "And then I was maybe going to tell you that you were a natural." Okay, so that last one wasn't trying to make him feel guilty. She was complimenting him and trying to show him that she believed in him, and saw his natural ability at this. Damn her, she hated herself for being catty and she hated herself for softening towards him. She loved him, and she didn't know what to do.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Brooke knew that Julian was stressed, and insecure about his ability to direct a movie. She knew how much this was eating at him and she wanted to take him in her arms, kiss him, and assure him that she believed in him. She knew that he could and would be a successful director... he was born to do this. She just wished it wasn't on this particular film, with this particular home-wrecking actress.

"Is this too hard on you?"

Was he actually asking about her and her feelings? She didn't know how to respond to him asking about her, and how filming could be difficult for her. She wanted to tell him, that it was excruciating and she was miserable, but she was filled with love and pride as she watched him doing something he so obviously loved. So she did what she always did... she swallowed her feelings, and she took the pain. "I'm okay." She hoped to hell that her voice or her face didn't give her away. She wanted to be strong, she had to be strong.

Thank G-d for Paul! He couldn't have come to interrupt Julian's little soul searching stare at a better time. She was a little guilty for leaving Julian to deal with an obviously upset Paul, but she was relieved and she had to get some distance from Julian.

It was almost the end of the day, and Brooke Davis was freaking tired. How in the world did Julian pull these long days when he was working?! She was accustomed to frantic paces to reach deadlines, but they weren't spent constantly on her feet and on the move. The brief working relationship she had with Julian on Lucas's movie, didn't last long... I mean they never got into the real production with actual shooting of film. This was... wow! It just gave her a whole new appreciation for Julian's work, and a little part of her knew how much he missed it here in Tree Hill, even if it was only for a couple of weeks.

She was gloriously, mindlessly arranging clothes when ho-bag appeared for some more awkward and forced bonding. "All the clothes are really great." Alex tried to be all chummy with her, but it just wasn't going to happen. It was hard enough for her to be here, but befriending Alex was just too much.

"Rough day, huh?" Geeezzz.... Alex just won't take silence as a hint! The bitch took my money, she gave my friend a crack-whore makeover, and she took my man... what the hell does she want from me that I haven't already rolled over and given her?!

"I've had plenty of those." No, thanks to you - bitch!

"Guess, they're going around..." Ok, maybe I'm a bitch... the girl just tried to kill herself. Arrrgggghhh! Quit your moping, Davis! It could always be worse... and remember, you're better than this. You're better than treating a girl who is definitely trying to heal as nothing.

"Alex... you're doing good." It pained her to say it, even though she saw how much Alex's face lit up with the compliment. Can you really call it a compliment?! I mean it was pretty pathetic, but she just couldn't muster up anything more inspirational for her. She wished she could, she wished she could be that girl, that person... but she still hated the girl in front of her, and she couldn't truly forgive her for what she took from her. She knew that Alex didn't take Julian, but because of her she had lost her faith and her trust in Julian... and she didn't know how she was ever going to get it back, especially now with this movie.

She was finishing up in the wardrobe section when she heard and saw the lights slowly going out in the studio. She could still make out a path to the exit in the darkness, and she grabbed her purse eager to leave for the night. Out of the shadows, Julian stepped forward and stood underneath one of the spotlights. He didn't see her, and she didn't make her presence immediately known. For a few seconds, hell maybe minutes, she watched him. She watched him looking out over the set of his movie, and she could see all of his doubts and all of his fears. He seemed lost, and almost cloaked in uncertainty and failure. She wanted to go to him, to reassure him that he was amazing and awe inspiring and to hold him in her arms... but she didn't.

Eventually, she couldn't bear to see him so vulnerable and alone, and she made her way out of the wardrobes. As much as she wanted to go to him, she stopped short underneath her own light, she wasn't ready to share his even if she wanted to.

"Well, for what it's worth... I think you're doing great." If her words could have half the effect on Julian, that they did on Alex, Brooke would've been willing to talk all night. She would've stood in that spot and proclaimed his talent for him to remember and cherish when he was feeling insecure and uncertain.

"Coming from you, that means everything."

She wished he said more... she wished he did more. Couldn't he see it in her eyes? She missed him! She needed him and she was trying, she was reaching out to him... why couldn't he have chosen her?

"Hey Brooke... I miss you." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she could hear it. She didn't think she could ever not hear those three words ringing in her ears. He missed her... just like she missed him. She wasn't the only one that was alone and miserable, not that that made it any better! It wasn't a declaration of love or determination to fight for what they had and could still have, but those words gave her hope.

"Coming from you... that means everything too." Don't cry, Brooke Davis! Don't cry! She could hear the tears in her voice, and she had to stay strong, she wasn't going to break down in front of him... not again. She looked at him through the lights, willing him to action. She needed to hear those words, but she needed his actions more. Looking at him across the stage, he seemed planted in his spot in the center of this stage, in the center of this movie. Of course he couldn't move towards her... he had made his choice. He was sticking with the movie, with his devotion to Alex... and the only choice Brooke Davis had was to walk away.


End file.
